Thursday, 23 December 2010

Five Blogs of Christmas: The Not To Buy List



Present buying is one of the toughest Christmas tasks going. I like to think of myself as a good gift giver but there are people even I find it tough to buy for. On an unrelated note I'm a horrible wrapper which is ironic considering how good I am at rapping.

For the past four weeks or so I have been working in the wonderful world of retail (Last day tomorrow!). I've not really come up with any ideas for things to buy but I have a couple of things NOT to buy.

1. A Vajazzling
Call me old fashioned but I don't think it's in the spirit of Christmas to buy someone decorative jewelry for their vagina. Especially not your Mum. Thank God I managed to talk Franco out of that one.

2. A Machine That Turns Cereal Bars Back Into Cereal
We've been bought a machine that does the opposite of this. No longer will I be eating cereal from a bowl like a chump. I don't want to go back - why should you be forced to live in the past?

3. A Subscription To An Online Dating Site
I imagine receiving this might be kind of offensive. Definitely not good to give this to someone who is currently in a relationship. Might be a good way to get rid of a friend's girlfriend you don't really like.

4. A 19th Century Printing Press
Didn't you hear? Traditional print media is dead. Get them an I-Pad instead.

5. A Book By Jeremy Clarkson
I just think he's a twat.


This isn't really Christmas related but I came second in The UK Scriptwriters Podcast Casablanca sequel competition. The task was to name a Casablanca sequel in a different kind of genre and then write a tag-line for it. I went for Casablanca 2: Attack of the Nazi Super Squid 3D. 'Here's lookin at you Squid'.
If you want to hear my name briefly mentioned then download the podcast here.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVE EVE!

Peace,

Steve

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