Halloween Movie Week - Jennifer's Body

It's day 2 of Halloween Horror Week. Today - Jennifer's Body

It's difficult to say why Jennifer's Body didn't catch on. It had big stars (Megan Fox & Amanda Seyfried), a fun premise (cheerleader possessed by a demon eats classmates) and a script by the Oscar winning writer of Juno. I guess the reason that I enjoy it is the same reason more people haven't seen it - it's a bizarre film. Treading the fine line between parody and tribute the film is like a throwback to eighties teen horror with buckets of gore and a wicked sense of humour - it's genius. I watched it in a large group of people who seemed to think it wasn't so great but to be honest I just don't think many of them got it. There's none of the jumpy scares of a slasher or a ghost flick it's just plain fun in the vein of The Evil Dead. There are a few great supporting turns but absolutely stand out is Adam Brody (Seth from the OC) as the lead singer of the band who sacrifice Fox's central character to Satan.

'Do you want to be awesome like that guy from Maroon 5?'

Also, there's plenty of Megan Fox and though I doubt she appeals to the ladies I think the dudes will enjoy how much skin they get to see.

Overall, it's a really great film and it deserves a bigger audience. Just make sure you go in looking for laughs rather than terrifying scares.

In other news it hasn't been a good day for animals. Paul The Octopus is on his way to the big sushi bar in the sky and our beloved pet the 'Titan of Toilet Drinking' Doobie the Cat passed away at what we guess was the age of 17. I'll do a little tribute to him next week. We're obviously sad but he hadn't been well and it was definitely for the best. I like to think he is annoying Jesus by constantly rubbing himself against his leg and demanding to be fed even though we just fed him.

Peace,

Steve

Sloth of Allegiance

I'm here today to talk to you fine people about a very serious issue that effects us all. A blight not only on our society but on our whole planet. Today I want to talk about Alcoholism In Sloths.

Now certain 'scientists' will tell you that sloths appear lazy because of their slow metabolism and diet of low on nutrition, low on energy leaves. These people are almost certainly quacks and I'd hazard a guess sexual deviants. There is one clear reason why sloths appear slow and lazy (Seriously? Natural Selection? How did these guys make it? I'll take Creationism thank you.) - That reason is there love of a cheeky couple of beers. Don't get me wrong they're not going to get pissed up and start a fight. These creatures just love having a few and getting nicely toasted. The kind of drunk where you might just drift off in front of the telly. You might ask - what's the problem Steve? Sometimes I like a couple of beers and a nap. I'll tell you. Sloths are like this all the time.

Sloths have the potential to be awesome and acrobatic like monkeys. They could contribute to our society by being in the circus or starring in shows. But they don't. Their love of beer saps their motivation and decreases their ability to entertain. They might have a few grand ideas about things they want to do but they're never going to be sober enough to make their dreams a reality. It's a sad situation and only with your help can we round up these gentle souls and get them into rehab. What are you going to do?

Thanks to Sarah for the artwork that inspired today's blog. I think we should print it on a T-Shirt. We're coming up to our 200th Post! Very exciting stuff. Check back here at the weekend for something of a celebration. Once again Londoners keep Thursday free in your diary. Something is happening in Brixton. I'll spill the beans on Monday.

Peace,

Steve

Old Dogs, New Tricks

So as I mentioned yesterday, Saturday night I was out watching the X-Factor cringing as the starlets had their fistful of dreams crushed one by one. My close personal friend Jose Antonio Franco stopped on his way out to the Birthday party of a former Liquid cage dancer where he knew no one apart from the Birthday boy himself. And with him he had a story. To be precise he had this story...

Reading to dogs scheme piloted in two Kent schools 

Or at least he had his version of this story. It's quite a weird story as it is. Children reading to dogs in two schools to help them build confidence. Jose's version was a lot stranger. 

Jose Franco on Educational Reform

Dogs are to be introduced to EVERY school as teaching assistants to help children read. Dogs have been chosen as opposed to cats, goldfish or any other animal because they are non judgmental. Having them there stops the children getting stressed and helps reduce blood pressure. They won't be taking any other classes. 

There are many issues here. Even with the real pilot scheme. I'll start with the most baffling and move on from there. 

- Is there a problem with high blood pressure amongst Britain's children? Are dogs the best way to combat high blood pressure? 

- How will teachers know the kids are actually reading? If I was placed with a dog I would just stroke it and rub its belly. It's not going to tell on me. You can bring a supervisor in but then that defeats the object. Also, what if the child is terrified of dogs. If anything this could destroy confidence and raise blood pressure. 

- How will schools afford a dog in every class and how do they make sure they get non judgmental dogs? Do they get the kids to bring in their dogs from home? What if these dogs are judgmental of children who aren't their owners? I can say for sure my cat is very judgmental. 

- Will we see more instances of children being mauled by Pitbulls (not the Hip Hop sensation) for mispronouncing a word? Are we going to teach these dogs to read first? And what if this gives them high blood pressure? The logical conclusion to this is millions spent on hiring other non judgmental animals (sheep maybe?) to listen to trainee teacher dogs read. Is that a world you want to live in? 

So that's pretty much what's happening with education right now. Thank God I escaped whilst I still could.

Thanks for reading friends. Be sure to check back the rest of the week as we build up to something HUGE coming up on Sunday at 6pm. Put it in your Diaries. 

Peace,

Steve 

Igneous Cat Toilet

If there's one thing that is sure to bring joy to the heart it's the image of a cat drinking from the toilet. Nic didn't believe me when I told her he did this but we can see here who was proven correct (NOTE: The answer is me.)

Is a cat drinking out the toilet the type of thing you're likely to see in the first issue of 'IGNEOUS Magazine' launching this October? I'm not sure. You best join the group HERE so you can be the first to know the definitive answer.

In case you're confused by this collection of sentences I will be contributing to the first issue of the magazine put together by the luscious Mr. Elliott White and the alliterative Professor. James Jackson. Have no fear Gallery fans I'm still there too, this is just some extra fun stuff.

Peace,

Steve

Freak Holding A Leash

Yesterday on the walk back from home Nic and I saw a woman carrying her cat. This is of course quite a strange thing to see. We then noticed there seemed to be something attached to the cat's collar. The woman then placed the cat on the ground and everything became clear. This woman was walking her cat. She had her cat on a lead. It was maybe the best thing I have ever seen. I salute you crazy lady!

Also, podcast episode 2 still available. See below. DOWNLOAD DOWNLOAD DOWNLOAD!

Peace

Steve