My 3D Valentine

I went to see My Bloody Valentine with low expectations. I mean it wasn't in 3D (which is the main selling point in all the adverts) and it was a remake of an 80s horror film that wasn't particularly fondly remembered. I have to say though, it was an OK movie. It didn't do anything special but it sticks to a tried and tested formula and amps everything up TO THE MAX. There is plenty of gore (kudos evil miner man for your creativity with a pick axe), some suspense (though I'm sure the mines could have been used better. see - The Descent) and some truly excellent nudity (including a woman who for almost her entire role in the movie walks around naked). The only thing that ruins it is a truly horrible ending that only works if the audience accepts that one of the scenes that happened earlier in the film just didn't happen. It's an easy problem to fix - don't show the scene just show the aftermath and let the audience fill in the gaps (probably incorrectly and therefore accomplishing the goal of the whole thing). I think maybe the filmmakers bloodlust just got the better of them. The lack of 3D is a more difficult problem. There are so many scenes that you can just tell by the way they were shot that they were intended to show off the 3D factor. It isn't too jarring it just leaves you with a sadness that you're not watching the 3D version. That being said, if you have the opportunity to watch the 3D version go and check it out now!! What are you waiting for? Valentine's Day (Which of course is the logical release date!?!)?

Peace

Steve

Fresh News

These are exciting days for fans of the hippity hop. Not only are Blazin Squad set for a return to touring (Who would've thought Friday Hill wouldn't work out?) but also Soulja Boy is preparing to return for a worldwide multimedia domination. In a live action / cartoon hybrid imaginatively titled Soulja Boy Tell'Em: The Animated Series the animated Soulja Boy clashes with maybe the only man capable of giving him a run for the money in the dancing stakes - The man voted best dancer of the 1990s - It's only flesh and blood Carlton from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Prepare for dance-citement.

See you at the Crossroads.

Peace

Steve

Wiped Out

Total Wipeout is the show that you wish the new Gladiators was... except for the fact there are no Gladiators in it. I should probably clear that up. The show (Saturday nights on BBC 1) involves 20 competitors being whittled down to one through a series of assault courses and challenges which in some way are similar to those on Gladiators (In particular the Eliminator).

Total Wipeout doesn't have any of the pretensions of Gladiators. Instead of having the commentator talking about how tough the challenges are and trying to sell the fact that this is a true battle between athletes you get Richard Hammond snidely taking the piss as people get absolutely battered... It's brilliant. Where Gladiators has referees and places safety at a paramount the challenges on this show seem set-up to hurt people. Where Gladiators has challenges that are tough but definitely do-able this has people attempting things that appear to be literally impossible (and getting hurt in the process). Where the contestants on Gladiators are finely tuned athletes they appear to let anyone on Total Wipeout.

The creators have basically taken all the elements that have made Japanese game shows like Takeshi's Castle such a hit and given them a more workable and Western structure. Now all we need to do is find a way to include muscle bound roid freaks chasing the pensioners and hairdressers as they attempt the courses.

Peace

Steve

Oly's Sex is Apparently on Fire

Kings of Leon - Sex On Fire. Wait till the start of the third verse, listen carefully now and you'll hear a shout out to my good friend Oly Le Feuvre. We don't know what the Kings of Leon want with him and whether it involves sex or fire or both, whatever the case may be, Oly we salute you. OLY LE FEUVRE!

Peace

Steve

Tropical Island Paradise in Winter Shades

I call this composition 'Tropical Island Paradise in Winter Shades'. What you might not be able to tell is that it was actually REALLY cold. Not included are the numerous photos of me jumping off walls pretending to be Spider-Man.

In other news Dooby The Cat was sick yesterday. It was gross.

Peace

Steve

Shame = Tom

It is a true shame when people remove tags of themselves in pictures on Facebook. This vanity must be stopped by any means necessary. Shame on you Tom Haywood. You brought this upon yourself. Oh and speaking of vanity, is that notorious photo-hog Alex Jones? Tut tut.

Peace

Steve

Seabiscuits

What a crazy old year that was huh? Onto a new one now and as is my way I'm going to make some predictions. Last year we didn't do so well with a grand total of 0 out of 10 predictions. I've used crystal balls, tarot cards and complex super computers and this is what WILL happen this year.

1. Beyonce will open a bird sanctuary and call it 'The Birds & The B'. It will be a huge success and be voted the most girlicious bird sanctuary on the planet.

2. After years of perfecting the recipe I will finally unleash my horse shaped (and flavoured) 'Seabiscuits' onto the market. Only a mere 5 years after the release of the film too.

3. The credit crunch will lead to all paper money becoming worthless and people will revert to bartering and trading.

4. An especially charismatic cat will be elected to an important political position.

5. Man will walk on the moon.

6. The Salvation Army will challenge the real Army to a dance-off... and WIN!

7. Eddie Murphy will win all The Oscars.

8. The musical craze of the year will be covers of Lighthouse Family songs. This will reach a stunning climax in December 2009 when a Lighthouse Family tribute band win The X-Factor.

9. Watchmen will be the best film ever and everyone will start reading comics and the world will be all the better for it. I will be given a comics themed television chat show.

10. Machines will enslave the human race having picked up the idea by watching Terminator.

Personally, I can't wait.

Peace

Steve