Sunday, 22 February 2009

What's The Story...


The always incredible Pussycat Dolls Presents: Girlicious was on E4 today. (For my feelings about Girlicious please check here) It made me think about starting my own girl band. There aren't that many around these days. Girls Aloud only have a couple of years left in them and I think people only pay attention to The Saturdays because they're trying to figure out if it's OK that Frankie formerly of paedo's dream S-Club Juniors gives them a T in their D (Tingle in their Dingle for those not up on slang). There's a gap in the market and where I see a gap I go and fill it.

So far all I have is a name... 'Morning Glory'.
They're going to be the sexiest, most in your face, girl power-tastic girl band ever. Basically, if you don't have a 'Morning Glory' poster in your room then basically you're gay. If there's any slutty girls who want to be in a girl band then hit me up. Although I hope to turn the audition process into a reality TV show a la Girlicious. (Note to Skins: You can't satirise PCD Presents: Girlicious because it is already SO ridiculous. Same goes for you Peter Kay. You're only drawing attention to things we can already see)

Peace

Steve

Friday, 20 February 2009

Britain's Got Thrush


Has anyone else noticed a prevalence of adverts for Thrush cream lately? Is it just me? Am I noticing this sort of thing as I get older? Canesten Duo is the main one. It totally double teams the thrush. What is going on? Does everybody have thrush now and no one is talking about it? I think we need to have some sort of BBC variety night or week long Channel 4 crusade that totally blows the myths about thrush apart. Holly Willoughby could present or maybe that Dawn woman from that Channel 4 sex show who had sex with everyone. Maybe McFly could record a charity single. I'd like that.

Britain's Got Thrush.

What are you going to do about it?

Peace

Steve

Monday, 16 February 2009

Lobster


How am I supposed to choose my own lobster when there are no lobsters to choose from? Nic and I spent Valentine's day scouting locations for horror films. The drive-in bbq has seen better days.

Peace

Steve

Note: I feel bad about my recent lack of blogging so I'm thinking of doing some photo blogging like this. More every day stuff to go in with the shameless self promotion and my upset over the new Skins.

Monday, 2 February 2009

Yeah, Well You're Two Penises Short of a Shania Twain Reimagining!


Hey kids! There's a new issue of Gallery out in stores and available on the internet for the low, low price of completely free. This month I confront my issues with Brad Pitt, go on and on about how Penelope Cruz and Scarlett Johannson make out in Woody Allen's new flick and make the stunning (yet entirely true) revelation that Jason Biggs invented the institution of marriage. Go! Go! Go!

In other news I went to see 'Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist' last night - awesome! A love story told across one New York night filled with music and magic and plenty of funny shit. Michael Cera again puts in a stand out performance matching his usual geeky charm with a bit of a rock star edge. The rest of the cast are great too, especially Norah (I dare you not to fall in love at the same time as Nick does) and Nick's ex Tris who whilst a complete bitch still manages to show why Nick would be so hopefully in love with her in the first place. There's also a great indie soundtrack filled to the brim with what the kids are dancing to. It made me want to spend a night wandering around New York. Check it out.

It may be sacrilege but I maybe enjoyed it more than Slumdog Millionaire. Don't get me wrong, I loved Slumdog and it is probably the greater cinematic achievement. It's just that N&N seems like a film that was made for me... not specifically... but it's a film that connected with me on a deeper level that normal. Where I am in my life right now this film meant more to me than Slumdog. That being said I won't begrudge Slumdog any of the Oscars that seem to be coming its way.

Peace

Steve

Friday, 30 January 2009

Teenage Kicks


Last week good friend and noted television critic Tom Haywood lamented me for not hating the first episode of Skins Series 3. Given it wasn't a great hour of television but as a first episode it did the job of introducing the cast of characters and got the ball rolling in the post Tony & The Gang climate. However, this week no such excuses can be made.

I have a number of issues with last night's episode 2. First of all, the characters themselves. The first two series of Skins worked on a sort of week by week revolving basis starting with the surfaces of these characters and then delving deeper into them as each took a turn in the spotlight. Series 3 looks to follow on from this format starting last night with the character Cook. And after an hour getting to know Cook all I can say is that he seems to be a more reprehensible bastard than at the start. I say getting to know him but all last night's episode succeeded in was taking the surface aspects of his character and cranking them up further and further. He's loud, obnoxious and likes women and drugs. Really? Is that it? The other characters aren't much better either coming across just as unlikeable as Cook or being pushed into the background so far that they basically act as set decoration (Blonde girl I'm looking at you). Even Effy who worked so well as Tony's anchor to morality in the first two series is nothing more than a vapid object to divide the male characters. Freddy and JJ are the best of a bad bunch but that's probably due to my natural inclination to side with the geeky. 'But Steve couldn't these same criticisms be applied to Tony from Skins series 1 and 2? Yes, series 1 especially. Tony is almost Machiavellian in his scheming and is manipulative to friends and enemies alike. Yet, he is never someone we as the audience hate. We in fact side with him because the other characters do. Chris, Sid, Anwar, Maxie and the rest are all so instantly and insanely likeable that because they obviously see something in Tony we want to see this too. Skins 1 and 2 can be viewed as Tony's journey from a selfish user of people to the humbled but still gifted leader of the gang who keeps them together in spite of the tragedy that seems to pervade their lives as the curtain comes down on their time together. Compare this to loutish Cook who repels everyone except his closest friends and seems to bounce from one ill thought out act to the next.

My second major issue with last night's episode was what seems to be a distinct detachment from the reality that the show was initially based in. Yes, I am quite aware that the show is fictional and has a license to exaggerate (I read comics for fucks sake) but what I loved about the first two series was that whatever situation the characters found themselves in it was always relatable. I've been to crazy house parties with people I didn't know, I've seen people struggle with the decision of whether school is the right environment for them but I have never trawled around Bristol at two in the morning looking for prostitutes. Compare the characters attitude toward The Mad Hatter in Series 1 with the attitude toward Jonny White in Series 3. I don't know anyone who would stumble across a chained up nipple clamped gangster and intentionally aggravate them by taking pictures on a camera phone but I do know people who have maybe messed with the wrong type of person and then done everything in their power to avoid them at whatever cost.

Related to the detachment from the reality is the Drug and Alcohol use in this series so far. I celebrate the fact that Skins acknowledges that teenagers enjoy drugs and alcohol. That is pretty much a fact. What I can't handle is the extent that it's been taken to. In the first episode Cook has a couple of pints before school and a load of 'spliff'. Does any teacher smell his breath? In episode two I know it's his Birthday but he drinks enough to probably kill an elephant and never goes past the 'a bit drunk' phase. There is also Pandora ingesting a small bag of drugs (MDMA) and again not feeling any effect. I'm not an expert but someone who's never used before eating an entire bag of drugs is sure to have some sort of negative effect isn't it? I don't want to be lectured on the dangers of drink and drugs but moments like this take me out of the story and that has to be a bad thing. For a far more accurate representation of my experiences with teen drinking watch The Inbetweeners and their increasingly more desperate attempts to even get their hands on alcohol of any kind.

I probably will be tuning in next week for episode three. The people behind the show have built up a load of good will from the first two series and I'm hoping the new cast will grow on me. Maybe for this to happen some of the louder characters will have to take a back seat and allow the so far background characters to come forward and shine. After the first episode Tom said to me that if Skins series one and two were American Pie, Series three was American Pie: Beta House (The Straight to DVD sixth movie that I have sadly seen). I wouldn't say it's that bad but at the moment if Skins 1 & 2 were Saved By The Bell this would be Saved By The Bell: The New Class (Before Screech came back as Assistant Principal).

Peace

Steve

Thursday, 29 January 2009

First & Free Motherfucker

Take that fictional Middle Eastern country! 50 Cent is back in the sequel to 50 Cent: Bulletproof (How did I miss that one?!) killing terrorists in quite a haphazard manner. You can play as 50 or one of the far less popular members of G-Unit (But why would you ever do that?). As you can see 50 loves swearing and handing out gunishment. Wonderful stuff.

I think there's potential to this idea. You could have Pete Doherty: Smackdown, R.Kelly: Out of the Closet (I think a puzzle based RPG would be a cracking way to go with this one) or maybe Katie Perry: I Want To Kiss A Girl where you control Katie in a fictional quest for vagina. As usual video games companies please leave your details in the comments section and I will get back to you.

Peace

Steve

Thursday, 22 January 2009

The Nightman Cometh!

I have gone on before about why It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia is one of the best shows on TV that you're not watching. The characters go to the sort of lows other more prominent shows can only dream of. To give you a flavour just read some of these episode titles - Charlie Got Molested, Charlie Wants an Abortion, The Gang Goes Jihad, Mac Bangs Dennis' Mom. Bare in mind this doesn't go into the fantasy world that South Park sometime inhabits. This is all stuff that could plausibly happen.

At the climax (LOL) of the fourth season the creators choose to follow in the footsteps of That 70s Show and Buffy with a completely ridiculous musical episode. I don't want to ruin it for you but any TV show that can get away with a line of dialogue like 'I think the rape scene went really well' is OK in my book. Check it out, you won't regret it... Probably.

Peace

Steve