Sunday, 25 May 2008

What is Girlicious?

These girls would fuck you... For Money... Probably.

The Pussycat Dolls Presents: Girlicious is the latest in a long long line of 'Making The Band' Realtiy Television shows that started with the birth of the now legendary O-Town and is the follow-up to 'Lets find another anonymous stripper type to dance behind the one that can sing in The Pussycat Dolls' or whatever that one was called. The difference between this one and that is now they are looking for a whole band of quasi-prostitutes to form a new band ingeniously called 'Girlicious'.

The show seems to revolve around the contestants living in a luxury flat and bitching about each other and snapping their fingers lots. There is some singing and dancing bits but it is seriously about 90% bitching. At the end of the show the two judges tell one of the girls 'You're not Girlicious' (Nicki claims this catchphrase is purely a construct of my imagination but if it isn't in the show then it damn well should be) and they have to fuck off. I guess the question you're now asking yourself is 'what does it mean to be Girlicious?' Well, being Girlicious seems to involve dressing like a whore (At all times, seriously there was a fight as one contestant told another that her casual lounge wear wasn't slutty enough. She insisted it was), wearing lots of make-up and making vague assertions about girl power based on misheard lyrics from Spice Girls and Destiny's Child songs. A contestant having too much dignity is pretty much the main reason for them being kicked off. I AM DEFINITELY GIRLICIOUS.

Still, this has given me an idea. Coming to a television set near you...

Steveitude Productions Presents 'Degraded'.
The show works thusly... A group of twelve girls live together in a disgusting hovel, performing various tasks set by 'musical guru' Chris De Burgh, as the weeks go on they are whittled down to a group of four called 'Degraded'. Like every other show? Yes. But, importantly, what Girlicious has shown me is that the girls don't need to be talented, attractive or likeable. In fact the larger their personality disorder the more entertaining they are likely to be. Brilliant. The tasks will also help to set my show apart, it's called Degraded for a reason. Immunity challenges will include the girls racing to suck off a record executive, seeing who can make the most money as a Soho Prostitute (Billie Piper was a prostitute on TV, it's cool) and of course a Les-off. At the end Chris will yell 'You've Been Degraded' and they will be punched in the face by Audley Harrison. It's going to be great.

Oh and if that doesn't work, how about Didier Drogba presents Drogbalicious? He could search for a strike partner and then laugh in their face as whoever replaces the charismatic Avram Grant plays him up front by himself.



Ashley said...

dood! your totally fuckin right!jesus christ...its not girlicious anymore, its whorelicious. Hey! im a girl, but im not a stupid slut that complains about my lipgloss not beeing even, or my hair not beeing good enough. Well, actually sometimes i am like "fuck! damn hair wont stay put!" but thats WAAAAAAY different then what these bitches are like. GOD! ive never found anyone that ever had the same opinion as me. I so wish i could go on that show and prove all those retards that you dont have to be a stripper just to be a girl, i are little girls supposed to look up to them? THEY are the reason why so many girls are going and having sex with anyone and beeing all slutty and geting rapped! WHY THE FUCK WOULD ANYONE WANT THAT?! god...its just wrong that this is what the world is coming to...its really really sad.

ScarletBloodBane said...

If I want to be honest, today's society is modeled far too much after ancient Rome. Can we say "Epicurean?" Do what feeeels good. Throw morals out the window. Sure, I don't like robots, but whether people want to believe it or not, morals do have some basis in the human spirit. Sex sells, whether it be the lack of clothes or a saucy sex scene that's one genital short of full out porn. If some think, "Oh you can't prove people want morals," then cut someone off in your car, or cut in line. Someone's bound to say "That's not fair!" In a chaotic world like today, any type of traditionalist is laughed at. I say those who have some sort of self respect won't be selling their body for money as typical pop artists do today. For crying out loud, anyone hear of calming your hormones down? They get onto kids for PDA, but what about the adults? If they want to flaunt their sexuality, do it where we can't see it, lol.

I personally wouldn't call them whores. The old fashioned term is used for even in today's prostitutes who are actual slaves. These women are pure sluts. They don't even have to be paid to get it on with someone. They'll think it's flattery.

I have to say, your blog made me laugh so hard when I read it. Mainly because of your quick wit in posting what I've always known to be true. They get popular for their talent the first year, but after that, most women in pop get popular for skin showing. If that's the case any local woman I know could be popular in a snap. Of a bra.

Anyway, let's all dedicate them to Bacchus, Eros, and Aphrodite. That's the gods they serve. No no wait. They worship themselves :D

Anonymous said...

Ashley-"THEY are the reason why so many girls are going and having sex with anyone and beeing all slutty and geting rapped!"

Oh god,I remember this one time I was rapped,this white guy came out of no where and started rapping around me.Oh,it was so horrible.I'd have rather been raped.