Saturday 27 June 2009

E-Mails to Jamie (Part 1): More Than Meets The Eye


Greetings kids,

I went to see Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen the other day. I would write you a review but instead i'm just going to copy and paste this e-mail I sent to Jamie. Maybe I'll do this more. I do like to send long and rambling e-mails to Jamie. Though I have to say he doesn't like it when you send long chains of penis enlargement adds to him.

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Alrite mate,

Just to let you know I couldnt agree with you more about Transformers. For
me there were just far too many characters with far too little time for
anyone but the humans, Optimus and Bumblebee and that's with the over long
running time. They seem to chuck the rest of the Transformers from the
first film and just replace them with those two REALLY annoying twins. They
also fail to build up The Fallen or Megatron in any significant way and
only pay lip service to the actually interesting conflict between Megatron
and Starscream.

I also agree that they basically copy the basic story from the first film.
Annoyingly there were a couple of really interesting potential storylines
which again were just skimmed over. I think they could have made great
films about:
- The Transformers refusal to give the humans access to their technology
measured with the idea that they have brought their war to this world. This
was made an almost comedy subplot with the oh so assured army guys from the
first film and the grumpy director.
- The past generations of Transformers and their role in the evolution of
the human being. Maybe their tech could be responsibly for something
horrific like nuclear weaponry or something like that but also have the
potential to help the Earth's energy crisis.
- The idea of the Decepticon turncoat and the notion of choice in these
robots choosing sides. That was again made comedy with the forgetful old
jet.

If they really wanted I also think they could have made the coming of age /
assuming responsibility or leadership story work but they needed to shift
the focus on others apart from Sam. They cant attach such an importance to
this idea and then just have Optimus come back to life with the magic dust.
They need a parallel story where Bumblebee or someone else takes on
Optimus' role as leader (see Transformers: The Animated Movie for this done
right).

Anyway, that is my take. There was so much potential but it really was
surrounded by some extraneous rubbish.

5 / 10

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Soooo it wasn't great. I'm not sure if it was made worse by the fact that I love Transformers but I genuinely think that the flaws were evident for those who wouldn't know a Unicron from a Soundwave. And before anyone suggests it, you can't over think giant robots who transform into cars beating the hell out of each other.

Peace

Steve

Thursday 18 June 2009

CGPie


I wonder at what point the American Pie sequels decided to stop trying and make it so their lead character (obviously a Stifler) just shits himself at random intervals? Plus, I remember when I was that kids age and I'm pretty sure that girls didn't look like the girls in the movie. I don't think any girls look like that. CGI Maybe? Jose would have screwed it up anyway with some sort of wacky antic.

Peace

Steve

Sunday 14 June 2009

Lesbian Stripper



What a long strange trip that was huh? There's been some radio silence here but that was because Nic & I have been on a two week tour of England. Starting in Lancaster moving on to Shrewsbury, Oswestry (The lady's home town. Look it up jerk), London and then finishing off in Brighton for a big Family wedding-fest (Congrats Glyn & Anna). On the way I developed a crippling fear of Lady GaGa's Poker Face, was crowned Fifa champion of the world, Used my wingmanning skills to get three different people laid (If you use the word 'laid' in a loose enough way to include making out and seven hour conversations), had a drink with a lesbian stripper, was harassed by a transexual whilst singing McFly's 'All About You' on karaoke, flashed London's landmarks and went to a sexual art exhibition being held in a pub with my parents. All in all it was a great two weeks!

Whilst i was away the new issue of Gallery came out. Check it out here. Go and ch-ch-check it out. It's maybe my favourite issue ever. Thanks to Russ for boldening and enlarging the quote about Transformers teaching me more about life than my parents and teachers. There's also mention of Sex & The City necrophilia, Charlie Kaufman and Charlie's Angels torture porn.

Peace

Steve