The Pussycat Dolls Presents: Girlicious is the latest in a long long line of 'Making The Band' Realtiy Television shows that started with the birth of the now legendary O-Town and is the follow-up to 'Lets find another anonymous stripper type to dance behind the one that can sing in The Pussycat Dolls' or whatever that one was called. The difference between this one and that is now they are looking for a whole band of quasi-prostitutes to form a new band ingeniously called 'Girlicious'.
The show seems to revolve around the contestants living in a luxury flat and bitching about each other and snapping their fingers lots. There is some singing and dancing bits but it is seriously about 90% bitching. At the end of the show the two judges tell one of the girls 'You're not Girlicious' (Nicki claims this catchphrase is purely a construct of my imagination but if it isn't in the show then it damn well should be) and they have to fuck off. I guess the question you're now asking yourself is 'what does it mean to be Girlicious?' Well, being Girlicious seems to involve dressing like a whore (At all times, seriously there was a fight as one contestant told another that her casual lounge wear wasn't slutty enough. She insisted it was), wearing lots of make-up and making vague assertions about girl power based on misheard lyrics from Spice Girls and Destiny's Child songs. A contestant having too much dignity is pretty much the main reason for them being kicked off. I AM DEFINITELY GIRLICIOUS.
Still, this has given me an idea. Coming to a television set near you...
Steveitude Productions Presents 'Degraded'.
The show works thusly... A group of twelve girls live together in a disgusting hovel, performing various tasks set by 'musical guru' Chris De Burgh, as the weeks go on they are whittled down to a group of four called 'Degraded'. Like every other show? Yes. But, importantly, what Girlicious has shown me is that the girls don't need to be talented, attractive or likeable. In fact the larger their personality disorder the more entertaining they are likely to be. Brilliant. The tasks will also help to set my show apart, it's called Degraded for a reason. Immunity challenges will include the girls racing to suck off a record executive, seeing who can make the most money as a Soho Prostitute (Billie Piper was a prostitute on TV, it's cool) and of course a Les-off. At the end Chris will yell 'You've Been Degraded' and they will be punched in the face by Audley Harrison. It's going to be great.
Oh and if that doesn't work, how about Didier Drogba presents Drogbalicious? He could search for a strike partner and then laugh in their face as whoever replaces the charismatic Avram Grant plays him up front by himself.