Sunday, 16 September 2007

What do you call a homeless robot? A hobot

I've been working for about 10 weeks now and one thing has become quite clear. By and large work sucks. It just does. If I could I would just stay at home and people could send me money. (Please do if there are any eccentric millionaires reading this) However, money is a requirement for my many interests / smack addiction. Still, there is another option. Every morning on my way to work I walk past the park where all the hobos hang out and you know what they seem like they're having a great time. Sitting around in their wacky clothes drinking extra strength lager at 8.30am they are following their dreams. There's one particular guy, I call him 'upstanding gentleman hobo' who always seems to have a smile on his face. It's probably because he has a sweet jumper with 'university' on it. I actually think he may have been a super genius university lecturer who one day just thought to himself 'study is well and good but life really is just about sitting in the park... and getting pissed.' Either that or he's a sociologist studying hobos by becoming one. Anyway, if you've got the time go down to the esplanade and just watch the time pass with those crazy cats. They won't rape or mug you... probably.

Blogger have just uploaded a new site where you can view a slide show of random images being uploaded to blogs all over the world. It's mesmerizing.
It brings me great joy to know a picture of Jose with a thong around his head will be being viewed by millions of strangers around the world.

Also if anyone is heading down to the movie theatre any time soon go and see Superbad! The funniest film I've seen this year, maybe ever. I would use the old laugh a minute cliche but I think the laugh ratio may have been higher than that. It had Josh clapping. Also it has AD alumni Michael Cera and you know that has got to be a good thing.

I got to sleep at about 9 this morning. If you're walking around St Lawrence with a Tracker bar at 7am you know something has gone wrong. Oly was trying to buy Beer. NOT ON THE SABBATH!



Friday, 14 September 2007

Kenan vs Kell

How the fuck do you follow up Trapped In The Closet?? It seems by recording a song which is basically a conversation between you (R. Kelly) and your mate Usher. Utter comedy as the two realise they have been banging the same girl. I won't ruin the ending but it would put Seinfeld to shame! Also hilariously enough Usher refers to R.Kelly as Kells throughout the song. It's like he's talking to a pet.

Yes I realise my blog is now pretty much exclusively about R.Kelly but isn't that a good thing?



Thursday, 13 September 2007

Caption Competition

Hey kiddies, I just uploaded a shed load of photos to my Facebook account, ALL WITH CAPTIONS. I captioned my photos once and people seemed to enjoy it and now I can't stop. It's alot of pressure. Please comment along with me, it'll be like having a conversation but better because we won't actually have to look at each other. And if you're not my Facebook friend... Why not? Is it because you're a creepy weirdo? I don't know, you tell me. BE MY FRIEND.

I'm off to watch Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip. Happy commenting.



Tuesday, 11 September 2007

Trapped In The Chicken

R. Kelly in shock new Chicken sex scandal! OK that might not be a shock but it isn't true. Yes that is me in the picture above. Rhodri's Birthday was on Saturday and I went dressed as your hero and mine R.Kelly. Yes it's controversial but I don't think it's racist. Would it be racist for a black person to white themselves up to go as (I don't know) Chris De Burgh for example? No I wouldn't think so. There was one lady who maybe thought so. Whilst I was at the front of the bar at the Mont Felard pub she stood to the side tutting. I don't know, maybe my costume was just really convincing and she was an outright racist. If so, shame on you lady, shame on you.

Rhodri's had a coach party. Coach parties are brilliant. This weekend I'm going on another one. I think maybe the world would be a better place if all nights out took place on coaches. The coaches would bus people around forcing interaction with other coach parties. You would see a great variety of people and places and if you hooked up you could just jump on another coach. Imagine it, you could buy a pass for the night and go all over the shop. Stay with your mates if you want or mix things up and go all creepy loner. Still I would worry about old ladies wondering onto the wrong bus wanting to get the 10A to St Marys or whatever... Or would I?

Oh and if anyone found the blog by googling the phrase 'R.Kelly Chicken Sex' please leave a comment and let us know why the fuck you were searching for that!


Friday, 7 September 2007

100 Words

Here is an oldy from the files. It was written for a 100 word short story writing exercise / competition.

Mortimer was a monocle wearing crab of renowned intelligence. Creatures from across the ocean sought out his wisdom. He taught sharks haiku, whales how to dress like a mod, giant squids interpretive dance and conducted a dolphin choir in a rendition of R.Kelly’s urban opera ‘Trapped in the Closet’. However, he felt unfulfilled. He felt a need to journey to the world of humans to test himself. Gibble, a starfish who enjoyed Connect 4, begged him to stay but failed in his pleas. Mortimer was eventually eaten by fluent dutch speaker and Saved By the Bell star Mark-Paul Gosselaar.

I think I won.

Look out tomorrow night. Rhodri's R-Themed Coach Party. I think R.Kelly may have finally escaped from that closet.



Thursday, 6 September 2007


Proving that I am not some sort of crazy and that I actually very much have my fingers on the Hollywood pulse it turns out Ridley Scott is making a movie version of Monopoly (Page 19 of the current issue of Empire). I have oft joked about this in the past but it seems that maybe I truly am some sort of creative visionary genius. Look for the announcement of James Cameron's attachment to a Furby adaptation any day now. In other ridiculous news the 'My Super Sweet 16 Movie' is on MTV tomorrow night. Yes, a movie based on the 'not at all in touch with reality' TV show. You don't believe me? Go Here. Rowdy Roddy Piper is in it. You know it can't be good. Confusingly enough Hellogoodbye feature. I can definitely see myself watching this at some point. I did watch Cheaper By The Dozen 2.

Hollyoaks was pretty heavy today moving away from comedy anorexia to boring speeches about anorexia. Skins did it much better. Still, to balance all the heaviness possibly the greatest plot development in the history of the show took place... Leo's secret children!! How do they keep coming up with such fresh and exciting ideas?

In other news my brother has gone off to university. This leaves me an only child for the next three and a bit weeks. I think I already have slight only child syndrome. My Dad refused to buy me a horse and I am quite ratty about it.