A Few Thoughts On A Wednesday

Sorry for the lack of updates. I've suddenly found myself between Gallery deadlines writing about Zach Galifianakis, Female Genital Mutilation and Galactic Gigolo (It's a real thing). It'll all become clear when the issue is out.

A few thoughts on the day's big (not big) news.

- Exciting news today as the Piranha sequel was announced under the title Piranha 3DD (Like Boobs!). It's set for August next year which is a pretty fast turn around and has a couple of the Saw writers attached. Surely you can't over complicate Piranha can you?

- Anyone still watching Hollyoaks? I think it's enjoying a renaissance - secret families, unconvincing cross-dressing and confused predatory gang boss homosexuals. Plus *SPOILER ALERT* Warren is coming back from the dead to raise some hell. It might be confusing at first but I think it's time to get back on board.

- I watched Real Madrid v AC Milan. Nice to watch a match without that depressing sense of dread or some over hyped backstory about ungrateful overpaid overgrown children. Jose Mourinho has assembled a team and got them playing his style in very quick fashion and as much as I hate to admit it Cristiano Ronaldo was awesome.  

- Back to Lancaster at the weekend for some hot fresh Korfball action. I hope no one is intimidated by the fact I have now played in an international Korfball match. I also hope my foot stops hurting before then.

- Finally, today's picture is a Marvel meets Tron variant cover. Ultimate Nerdgasm!

Peace,

Steve

Unreal Madrid

You may have seen this mentioned in the news recently.

Former Togo coach Bana Tchanile 'sorry' over fake team

Basically it's the story of how a former Togo coach took a fake national team to Bahrain. Alarm bells were raised when the team turned out to be pretty shit and generally not of the standard you'd expect of Togo's national side (Even without former professiona footballer and retired international Emmanuel Adebayor.) It was  a wacky scheme on par with just about anything Zach Morris came up with on Saved By The Bell but it was apparently carried out with good intentions:

''I wanted to help youngsters in Togo who chose to play football, but who have problems making it because of a lack of competition at a national level,"

Still there are plenty of youngsters who have chosen to play football and found international opportunities lacking. I think if Tchanile is truly committed to this cause he should take it to the next level. Search out members of Cartmel College's glorious C Team 2007 and take them to Asia as an England side. Take the Jose Franco family as the Portugal mixed sex 5-A Side team. Help Geoff Horsefield crack the England squad. I'm throwing the gauntlet down Bana - do you accept?

A final note of congratualtions to St Peter who took home the Charity Cup last night after a solid performance characterised by firm rear guard action. That's 'firm rear guard action' if you're confused by the result of your Google search.

Peace,

Steve

Naked in Brighton and Weddings in the West Midlands

It's been a busy day at Steveitude Towers as we're packing up our bags and heading to the UK tomorrow for a week of frolics. We're in Brighton tomorrow until Tuesday for the purpose of seeing my favourite all time band The Barenaked Ladies in concert (For the first time without Steven Page). After that we head up to Shrewsbury with a Thursday night trip to Liverpool for the Europa League match against Steau Bucharest. Then on Friday it's the wedding of Mr. Simon Wray to Miss. Vicki Jones followed by party time on Saturday. I won't have my laptop with me so my blogging output might be severely reduced but from the week after. It's pretty exciting, Si and Vic have insisted they're not going to have Ushers at the wedding but in my twisted fantasy world it's the job I've been training for my whole life. Peace Up, A-Town Down!

Fantasy Football fans will also be delighted to know I played my Wild Card today and I'm ready to start dominating the league. Things are about to get a whole lot more Drogbalicious.

Peace,

Steve

Moneyball, Deadlines and Mick McCarthy

I'm currently re-reading Moneyball by Michael Lewis. A book about how Billy Beane and a bunch of amateur baseball theorists used alternative thinking to turn conventional baseball wisdom on its head and profit from others refusal to do so. It's a truly fascinating book even if you know literally fuck all about baseball. In its way of questioning all pre conceived notions of player value I think there are a few things that could be applied to football with today being deadline day.

On a similar theme The Ebouetown Heat had a truly awful week in Fantasy Football and I think I may have to play my Wild Card and completely over haul my rag tag bunch of underachievers. It's time to rethink as it turns out picking a solid team with little capacity for individual expression and a tendency to scrap out 0-0 draws won't get you too far in Fantasy Football. I guess it isn't anyone's fantasy to be Mick McCarthy... probably not even Mick McCarthy.

Peace,

Steve

4-4-2 Weddings & A Funeral

Having sporadically starred for 'Sexiest Player in the C-League' Phil Scullion's 6-A Side team 'Hugh Grant is Sexy' you can imagine my delight when watching Sky's coverage of the Fulham v United game I noticed  England's greatest ever actor of all time sitting next to England's current manager.

I like to think he was doing research for a part in a new film...

4-4-2 Weddings & A Funeral


Hugh Grant plays a bumbling but talented Premiership footballer with a fit Page Three model girlfriend. However, despite being near the top of the game he has never reached his full potential in his professional or personal life because of his nerves and bumbling nature. These problems are exasperated when four of his teammates marry their Page Three model girlfriends and his manager and long-time mentor dies. A new manager comes in and although at first he seems a bit strict maybe it's this tough love that can help him finally achieve his career goals and take his girlfriend up the aisle.

And if that doesn't have you salivating then I guess your name isn't Phil Scullion.

Peace,

Steve

Orange Wednesday

My girlfriend has a quite startling knowledge of the 1996 European Championships Dutch Squad. The other day we had a conversation about the relative merits of the De Boer Brothers. It's not that she is a particular advocate of total football it's just she had a crush on them and in particular that mountain of man hunk Patrick Kluivert. I find this kind of weird but also cool. How about you? Any weird crushes?

Peace

Steve

Sale!

Well it looks like Man City are buying everything these days. Abu Dhabai Group if you are interested in getting your hands on a rarely updated personal / pop culture blog then drop me a line. I'm thinking like £20 million? It's only half a Robinho and he can barely speak English let alone write scathing reviews of terrible movies and television shows in the language.

Do you watch 30 Rock? You should. At the moment I am alternating between Season 2 of the show and episodes of The US Office Season 3 with the commentary on. Good Times. Last night I watched 'Lars And The Real Girl' which is definitely the best movie about a guy who is deluded into thinking his blow up sex doll is a real person that I have ever seen.

Tomorrow... Exciting news!!!!

Peace

Steve

Fantasy

The new season has begun! Yes, from now till May I will be spending the majority of my Sundays hungover sitting on a couch watching often meaningless matches in glorious HD. But this isn't the only thing, oh no, it's also the start of Fantasy football. Get ready boys and girls to be amazed by the sensational skills of The Ebouetown Alpacas... or not.

I've been playing for years now and apart from a hot patch about 9 years ago I'm never really that succesful. I like to think I know a thing or two about football, I think the problem is I'm also a fan. We're a strange type us fans. Whereas we can be rational in our every day lives we can't help but let emotion get the better of us when it comes to the beautiful game. Take my team for an example. I refuse to let any Man Utd players wear the proud red and yellow of the Alpacas. This doesn't help when they dominate the league (Hopefully not this year). I also have to include Eboue. This was fine when he was a defender that was played in Midfield but not now he has been reclassified as a midfielder. Fabio Aurelio of course makes the team for his free kick abillity but poor old Fabz is injured pretty much 75% of the time. He's still in my team. The book I'm reading at the moment is called 'Super Crunchers' and is about this sort of thing. It talks about statistical models outperforming human experts in numerous fields because of certain adages people cling to and emotions that could judgement. It's really interesting stuff and if you read anything apart from my blog then I would recommend it. Also it's the excuse I'm using when I fail magnificently in the Fantasy leagues I play in! (Currently 10th out of 16!) Though now I think about it, it isn't going to be a very useful one for when my Championship and League One fantasy teams fuck up.

Peace

Steve

Euro 2008 Blog: Prospectus

Euro 2008 has begun and here on the blog we are offering the most Emmanuel Eboue-centric coverage on the whole wide interweb. So far there has been little for Boue to make loud annoying noises about but next week I am heading to Switzerland to (hopefully) report back to you from right on the front lines of Footballdom. For now here are three players to look out for.

1. Frank Ribery (France)
Unattractive. But try saying his name in an extremely strong french accent. Really pronounce it, I mean every syllable. Very satisfying.

2. Luka Modric (Croatia)
Spurs' new signing thinks he is the new Johann Cruyff. He wears the number 14 shirt and everything. I don't think anyone has had the heart to tell him Jordi Cruyff was the new Johann Cruyff and that he just wasn't very good.

3. Mikael Dorsin (Sweden)
Possibly the most exciting prospect. This 26 year old CFR Cluj star is a leading contender for the much coveted substitute left back spot. After lighting up the Romanian league with his pace and technique leading pundits have compared him to legends such as Marco Van Basten, Pele and Jason McAteer. (NOTE: Comparisons may not have been favourable)

So there you have it... WATCH OUT! Oh and just so you know I have Poland in the sweepstakes, I am supporting France due to geography and due to their Liverpool contingent I have warm feelings toward Spain.

Peace

Steve

She's Screwed

After telling everyone not to listen to my betting tips I somehow managed to win the princely sum of eight pounds. What? With none of my scorers playing, nil-nil seemed the only sensible option. I think I'll convert it into Jersey pounds and buy a boat. Either that or the rights to Fergie's London Bridge so I can release my Wayne Bridge re-working of the song.

The new Cribs album is out tomorrow. Not that I've already listened to it loads of times (Wink Wink) but If I was you I would definitely go out and buy at least one copy. Maybe two.

Tomorrow marks the beginning of a massively important week. Two exams and a Champions League final. I'm not really feeling tense. If anything my mind is weighed down with other deeper thoughts. (Like what I would look like if I was a girl) Still, by Friday I will be ready to party on down. My reduced alcohol tolerance levels will probably result in said partying turning into quite the drunken farce. I look forward to it.

Jason X was on last night? Did you see it? Invincible serial killer-in space-in the future. I have the poster in our spare room at home. Also can you believe there were FIVE novelizations of this film. FIVE!!!

Does anyone want a semi African child for a week? We have one spare. If you like watching Shrek repeatedly then you're what we're looking for!

Peace

Steve

I'm A Realist and I'm A Romantic

Kate Nash - Foundations on Jools Holland, she is the female Jamie T. Really good. We were watching for The Cribs though, WAKEFIELD. Did you know (This is true, apparently) that at one time the three Jarman brothers were responsible for Napkin production for the entire United Kingdom.

Mick Hucknall is a ginger twat. The Happy Mondays aren't very good either. They didn't make it onto Jools though.

FA Cup Final Tomorrow. Every prediction I have made so far has involved a player who is out due to injury. Do not listen to my betting tips. I'm going to go against the grain and suggest a Chelsea victory. Ergo they are doomed to defeat. Put some money on John O'Shea for the first goal.

Peace

Steve

Lose Yourself

Yo DJ spin that shit.

I'm already feeling a little bit sick in anticipation of tomorrow's game. AAAH.

I am currently watching 8 Mile. I forgot how much I liked this film! Fuck the free world. Also thanks to Andrew Tate I picked up on the Frederick Douglass reference. Knowing is half the (rap) battle.

In American Lit related news I got my first first today. Hurray.

Once again, fuck the free world.

Peace

Steve