Thursday, 23 December 2010
Five Blogs of Christmas: The Not To Buy List
Present buying is one of the toughest Christmas tasks going. I like to think of myself as a good gift giver but there are people even I find it tough to buy for. On an unrelated note I'm a horrible wrapper which is ironic considering how good I am at rapping.
For the past four weeks or so I have been working in the wonderful world of retail (Last day tomorrow!). I've not really come up with any ideas for things to buy but I have a couple of things NOT to buy.
1. A Vajazzling
Call me old fashioned but I don't think it's in the spirit of Christmas to buy someone decorative jewelry for their vagina. Especially not your Mum. Thank God I managed to talk Franco out of that one.
2. A Machine That Turns Cereal Bars Back Into Cereal
We've been bought a machine that does the opposite of this. No longer will I be eating cereal from a bowl like a chump. I don't want to go back - why should you be forced to live in the past?
3. A Subscription To An Online Dating Site
I imagine receiving this might be kind of offensive. Definitely not good to give this to someone who is currently in a relationship. Might be a good way to get rid of a friend's girlfriend you don't really like.
4. A 19th Century Printing Press
Didn't you hear? Traditional print media is dead. Get them an I-Pad instead.
5. A Book By Jeremy Clarkson
I just think he's a twat.
This isn't really Christmas related but I came second in The UK Scriptwriters Podcast Casablanca sequel competition. The task was to name a Casablanca sequel in a different kind of genre and then write a tag-line for it. I went for Casablanca 2: Attack of the Nazi Super Squid 3D. 'Here's lookin at you Squid'.
If you want to hear my name briefly mentioned then download the podcast here.
HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVE EVE!