Monday, 18 June 2007


I am currently suffering with a sore throat. I don't want to be melodramatic but at one point I was considering writing my will. Online of course. I don't think then it would be legal. Laws don't apply to the internet. So at the moment I havn't really eaten in the past two days and I'm smacked off my tits on Beechums. I think that if I was going to be truly addicted to any drug I'd like it to be some sort of all purpose cough syrup. It doesn't taste very nice but then again I guess neither does heroin. It's the warm feeling in my stomach I get afterward and I know it says non-drowsy but I was damn well drowsy today. I've not been ODing, don't get me into rehab yet (No no no). Though I imagine rehab could be a quite relaxing sort of holiday. I bet Pete Doherty doesn't even like smack, he just enjoys the breaks to Thailand and stuff. So yes, everyone drink Beechums, even if your not ill.

I have also recently come to a conclusion. You must have heard Rihanna - Umbrella by now. At first the song didn't really appeal to me. Now I believe it to be one of the most important pieces of art in human history. It works on a base level with the beautiful poetry of the lyrics and Rihanna's sexy gyrating. I mean I would get under her umbrella anytime. EH! EH! Wink! Wink! Nudge! Nudge! But I also think the song is some sort of prophecy. Check this for a coincidence, I only really began to appreciate the song this Saturday, just a couple of days after I was gifted a turtle umbrella. I say coincidence BUT I THINK NOT!!

Its sort of like a Da Vinci Code conspiracy and it's going to go global. Soon everyone will be getting umbrellas and then appreciating Rihanna and then maybe some sort of turtle race will rise up. HOLD-UP. Before any of you try and cash in on this I'm nearly finished the novel. It's called The Umbrella Turtle Rihanna Featuring Jay-Z Code. It stars a hunky young archaelogist called Steve who must along with his spunky cyborg sidekick Mountbot uncover the secrets of the aforementioned code before the turtle monsters. He has sex with Rihanna lots.



No comments: