Fantasy

The new season has begun! Yes, from now till May I will be spending the majority of my Sundays hungover sitting on a couch watching often meaningless matches in glorious HD. But this isn't the only thing, oh no, it's also the start of Fantasy football. Get ready boys and girls to be amazed by the sensational skills of The Ebouetown Alpacas... or not.

I've been playing for years now and apart from a hot patch about 9 years ago I'm never really that succesful. I like to think I know a thing or two about football, I think the problem is I'm also a fan. We're a strange type us fans. Whereas we can be rational in our every day lives we can't help but let emotion get the better of us when it comes to the beautiful game. Take my team for an example. I refuse to let any Man Utd players wear the proud red and yellow of the Alpacas. This doesn't help when they dominate the league (Hopefully not this year). I also have to include Eboue. This was fine when he was a defender that was played in Midfield but not now he has been reclassified as a midfielder. Fabio Aurelio of course makes the team for his free kick abillity but poor old Fabz is injured pretty much 75% of the time. He's still in my team. The book I'm reading at the moment is called 'Super Crunchers' and is about this sort of thing. It talks about statistical models outperforming human experts in numerous fields because of certain adages people cling to and emotions that could judgement. It's really interesting stuff and if you read anything apart from my blog then I would recommend it. Also it's the excuse I'm using when I fail magnificently in the Fantasy leagues I play in! (Currently 10th out of 16!) Though now I think about it, it isn't going to be a very useful one for when my Championship and League One fantasy teams fuck up.

Peace

Steve

Get On Board

People often come up to me in the street and ask 'Steve, how do you come up with so many great ideas? Is it really difficult?'. After asking if they have any spare change I will always reply that coming up with ideas isn't the hard part it's deciding which of my many excellent ideas to go through with. Take for example my recent conundrum.

Two ideas for a script. The first a sequel to Crash (The one about people who get off on car crashes. It's pretty sick) Titled Crash 2: Crash of the Titans this isn't about people who derive sexual pleasure from car crashes it is instead about people who take pleasure from the 2006 Oscar winning film Crash. Imagine it, people watching the movie, maybe having a hearty debate about the racial issues at the film's core and then fucking the shit out of each other. It'd be heartwarming fun for all the family. The second idea is a script titled 'Baby on Board'. It's about talking babies who can surf. And if that doesn't appeal to you then you may as well leave now because you and I can't be friends anymore.

You see I can't write them both at the same time. I need to channel my energy into one creative vision. It's like Sophie's Choice. But much like Sophie there are things I can consider to help make the choice easier. First of all I think about the audience. We all know people love sequels and that sequels are pretty much 99% of the time better than the original films but at the same time people also love talking baby movies. Remember 'Look Who's Talking' , 'Look Who's Talking Too' (Well LOL sequel title)and uh 'Look Who's Talking Now' (More Dogs than Babies)? There hasn't really been a great talking baby movie since 1993, the public are clamouring for one. I also need to think about the industry. 'Crash 2' is going to need clearance from the makers of both films. 'Baby On Board' faces competition from a film with the same title but a different subject. It sounds pretty shit although it does have Heather Graham in it and she is uber hot. (Hmm maybe I could get her to play the Mum in my film. I could name the character Heather to entice her) Finally I have to ask myself what I want. What I want is a kitten fighting a baby on film. If both baby and cat can talk then all the better. If I write such a scene into Crash 2 then it might seem slightly forced.

Sophie has chosen... Babies win.

On a side note it seems people have been posting comments in response to past blogs. That is awesome! Thanks especially to scarletbloodbane who has posted some really insightful stuff. Keep them coming everyone and hopefully I can find some way to get this thing to alert me when they come in so I can respond! Maybe casting suggestions for the film. I'm thinking Ryan Reynolds in some sort of role? (I feel the need to mention Double R because some sort of Ryan Reynolds fan site is linking people here and I feel a need to keep them happy)

Peace

Steve

Torture

So last night I watched Hostel: Part II and whilst it wasn't bad it was nothing really to write home about. That's why I'm writing about it here. The original Saw and Hostel movies were inventive and thrilling. They suceeded because there weren't any rules. The audience didn't know who was going to walk out of the thing alive. In particular the first Hostel movie didn't even seem to know what kind of film it was and it was awesome. For the first thirty minutes you think you're watching Euro Trip and then blam the chainsaws come out, there's some extreme gore and then by the final act its an all action chase movie, crazy stuff. By the time of the sequels they had become a genre unto themselves. That's why watching Hostel: Part II there is a sense of inevitability. The makers know this concept makes money, you can bet your ass they're going to leave some sort of get out clause for a sequel. Saw is pretty much a Halloween tradition by now. The second Hostel deserves some credit for trying to do something different from the original in concentrating on the killers but there's only a few scenes that seem to be filmed with the same demented glee that pervades all of the first film. There are some twists and turns that are mostly very telegraphed but when it comes to the final scene you've got to think that Eli Roth still must have it... Whatever it is.

Also, has anyone seen the trailer for 'Wild Child' that has been gracing UK TV screens recently. It makes some big claims 'The Best Teen Film of the Century'. Sure thing, everyone knows teenagers were only invented in the sixties so they haven't even been around for a century. The truly funny thing is all these completely ridiculous sound bites come from the same review from that titan of film criticism Sugar magazine. Personally I think movies like this should just be honest. Things like 'A way to waste an hour and a half', 'You might like it if you are a thirteen year old girl and Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging is sold out' or 'If you sneak in you wont have to pay and then you can't be dissapointed.'

Peace

Steve

I Think They Know By Now

There are clubs that play dance music, clubs that play indie music, clubs that play dirty drum and bass and pretty much every type of music imaginable. Then there are snooker clubs that play Band Aid 'Do They Know It's Christmas?' on repeat over and over again. The Jukebox; a noble invention giving the average person the chance to choose the type of music they want to listen to when they're out for a drink. Sadly it is open to abuse by those who might put in a pound just before they leave and use their six selections to select a certain Christmas classic six times in a row. Feed the world indeed.

Peace

Steve