Tuesday, 28 July 2009
So by some weird twist of fate last night I ended up watching the second half of an episode of Danny Dyer's Deadliest Men 2. It wasn't really what I was expecting it to be. As is his way, Danny went to live with a man called Steve in Blackpool who is apparently Britain's hardest bouncer. So far, so derivative right? As part of the show Danny agreed to spend a night on the door with Steve. This is where things started to get really fucking strange.
Steve has had to chuck out some 'tough slags' in his time and he has even encountered a few death threats. A little scary but nothing to put off cockney gangster Danny Dyer. Or at least that is what you'd think. Dyer completely freaks out. He constructs a weird disguise by dying his hair blonde, putting on glasses and then dressing as a bouncer. He then decides he feels too much of a tosser and takes off the glasses and puts on a hat. At this point he is Danny Dyer wearing a hat which is not so great as a disguise (The fact he is being followed by a TV crew is also a bit of a giveaway). Dyer then eventually ditches his crew and manages for a while to go unnoticed. This is hilarious as he hears numerous people slag off both him and his films and throws a bit of a hissy (To be fair his films are by and large garbage. I like Severance though).
Anyway, after whining and crying and generally acting like a complete psycho Dyer eventually makes it to the door. Here he acts suspiciously towards everyone who comes into the club. He thinks they're all carrying knifes and all are out to get him. A group of lads see through his clever hat disguise and ask to have their photo taken with him. Danny acts like they've surrounded him with assault rifles and drawn lots to see who gets to rape him first.
Basically I'm worried about Danny. He can't seem to differentiate between real life and the tough gangster world of every movie he's ever been in. Yes we live in a dangerous world but every single person on the planet isn't out to get you. Guy Ritchie? Vinnie Jones? Whoever his friends are need to sit him down and get him to sort his head out before Danny Dyer goes completely off the deep end and becomes one of the deadly men he has dedicated his life to studying.
Know what I mean?