Monday, 16 July 2007

The Ending of Harry Potter!


FIT.

Yes ladies and gentlemen it is a Fortress of Steveitude World Exclusive!!!! The final page of the new Harry Potter before anyone else can see it! If you do not wish to be spoiled then leave now! NOW I tell thee! How did I get hold of it you ask? Well those rumours in the press of JK Rowling and Chris De Burgh dating might have a little bit more truth to them than Ms Rowling's restraining order suggests. So without further adieu... The final page of Harry Potter!!!!!!!!!

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

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Harry woke up in a sweat. He put his glasses on and looked around his room. Everything seemed normal, he felt relieved.

KNOCK KNOCK

Harry’s mother entered the room with a plate of his favourite breakfast treat, toast with no sort of topping arranged into the shape of a sun.
‘You better hurry up Harry or you’ll be late for school.’
‘Hogwarts.’
‘What did you call me mister?’
‘Oh I’m sorry Mom. I had the strangest dream where I was a wizard and I was at a wizard school and there were witches and giants and I played this weird sport with broomsticks and you and Dad had been killed by this evil guy with no nose who actually turned out to be a time travelling version of me from the future and I was totally into Asian chicks.’
Mrs Potter chuckled.
‘Gosh Harry what did you eat before going to sleep last night?’
‘I did eat lots of Cheese.’
‘Well that’s probably it. Asian chicks! You have a powerful imagination my boy. But seriously you know that stories of wizards and witches are paganism and a filthy affront to God. If you were a boy wizard you would most certainly be going to hell!’
‘Yes I know that Mother. I guess the dreams were just teaching me that very message. I’m glad I’m just a humble servant of Christ and not some soldier of Satan.’

So Harry got up, ate his breakfast, brushed his teeth and put on his clothes ready for school. Harry was very lucky in that the school he went to taught creationism rather than any of that evolution nonsense. Before he left the door though he looked up at his painting of Jesus (who was definitely white) and said a prayer very quietly under his breath.

‘Dear Lord,
Thank you for the fact that I live in a world where your son died for my sins,
Thank you for the fact that I live in a world where the only real magic is the love of a Christian for a brother or sister in faith,
Thank you for writing the Bible and making all fictional books pointless and unnecessary,
And finally if you deem it necessary for me to have the same dream again can you make it so that I get to bang Hermione. It’s probably not realistic that she gets with the ginger.
Amen.’

Harry smiled at Jesus and Jesus smiled back.

The End?????


Wow! What a shocker. I can tell you I certainly wasn't disappointed. I particularly liked the question marks at the end as they leave things open for a further book after Ms Rowling finishes her next novel 'Tom Clancy's Operation Leopard Storm 4000'. I can also exclusively reveal Mel Gibson is in talks to direct the movie adaptation. The only thing holding up the deal is his demand that Voldemoort is replaced as main villain with Jerry Seinfeld.

Peace
Steve

NOTE: All of the above may be fictional. I say may, it definitely is.

1 comment:

Becca said...

Keep up the good work.