Sunday, 13 July 2008


I've been saving this one for graduation week but its been playing on my mind for a while now. Being at home for a week I have probably been asked some form of the question 'what are you doing now?' about a million times. I've joked about launching my own fragrance but like any joke I make this is tinged with a real sadness and confusion (Eddie Murphy?!). I don't know whats next, who does? (Seriously if you know put me in contact with them) For the moment I am getting my magic uni scroll thing (that thing you get for graduating) and then heading home for a while. I may only have a vague sense of direction but that doesn't mean Uni hasn't taught me anything, heck no...

You remember that Baz Luhrmann song? It was number one. The guy reading the graduation speech over a repetitive beat. He was really really keen that people wear sunscreen. So keen that looking back now I imagine he was probably being paid lots of money by a sunscreen company. He said stuff like 'dance like nobody is watching' bullshit like that. You can listen to it here

Anyway, lots of the stuff he says is crap. Here's some real stuff I learnt at University. If you want to beat box a little beat in the background that's cool by me.

- Take an hour a day to listen to the Lighthouse Family 'Lifted' on repeat.
- Sitting in the library with a broadsheet newspaper will make you feel smarter even if you're just doing the Sudoku.
- By and large Eddie Murphy movies are offensively bad. Also 4th or 5th sequels are just not worth watching.
- Though combining your favourite desserts into one super dessert is lots of fun the amount of sugar you consume is quite overpowering.
- Dance like everyone is looking at you and judging you, the pressure will make you dance better.
- Getting hammered and going to an all you can eat Chinese buffet will almost inevitably lead to you standing on a chair singing the American Pie soundtrack.
- Get off the bus when you're supposed to.
- Sometimes people will claim your impressions and accents are confusing and even shit, you should ignore them and persevere anyway.
- If someone shows you a porno and tells you there's a really good twist coming up then it's probably going to turn out that the chick is totally a dude.
- LURPS are hilarious.
- There is no real cure for a hangover. There are things to put one off but no cure. I recommend freshly squeezed tropical fruit juices I never have freshly squeezed tropical fruit juices.
-You cannot order a Dominos without spending up to an hour working out the best formula for cheapest pizza per person.
- Taking a nap is fine, it allows you to recharge your batteries and stay awake and be productive to later hours.
- Write what you know. If you haven't been raped don't write about it in excruciating detail. Especially if you're a dude.
- Food fights are funniest in other people's kitchens.
- Late night takeaway greasy chicken is 99% absolutely rank. My advise, eat it whilst you're still drunk. It won't look good in the morning.
- Grow a beard. You might never get a chance to do it again. Also when you shave you can cut it into funny shapes. Like the fabled question mark beard.
- Finally you will be unhappy, make mistakes and have regrets. Those people who say they have no regrets are either liars or just plain don't have a conscience. What you have to do is just stay positive and looking back the good times will outweigh the bad. You dig?



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