Old Dogs, New Tricks

So as I mentioned yesterday, Saturday night I was out watching the X-Factor cringing as the starlets had their fistful of dreams crushed one by one. My close personal friend Jose Antonio Franco stopped on his way out to the Birthday party of a former Liquid cage dancer where he knew no one apart from the Birthday boy himself. And with him he had a story. To be precise he had this story...

Reading to dogs scheme piloted in two Kent schools 

Or at least he had his version of this story. It's quite a weird story as it is. Children reading to dogs in two schools to help them build confidence. Jose's version was a lot stranger. 

Jose Franco on Educational Reform

Dogs are to be introduced to EVERY school as teaching assistants to help children read. Dogs have been chosen as opposed to cats, goldfish or any other animal because they are non judgmental. Having them there stops the children getting stressed and helps reduce blood pressure. They won't be taking any other classes. 

There are many issues here. Even with the real pilot scheme. I'll start with the most baffling and move on from there. 

- Is there a problem with high blood pressure amongst Britain's children? Are dogs the best way to combat high blood pressure? 

- How will teachers know the kids are actually reading? If I was placed with a dog I would just stroke it and rub its belly. It's not going to tell on me. You can bring a supervisor in but then that defeats the object. Also, what if the child is terrified of dogs. If anything this could destroy confidence and raise blood pressure. 

- How will schools afford a dog in every class and how do they make sure they get non judgmental dogs? Do they get the kids to bring in their dogs from home? What if these dogs are judgmental of children who aren't their owners? I can say for sure my cat is very judgmental. 

- Will we see more instances of children being mauled by Pitbulls (not the Hip Hop sensation) for mispronouncing a word? Are we going to teach these dogs to read first? And what if this gives them high blood pressure? The logical conclusion to this is millions spent on hiring other non judgmental animals (sheep maybe?) to listen to trainee teacher dogs read. Is that a world you want to live in? 

So that's pretty much what's happening with education right now. Thank God I escaped whilst I still could.

Thanks for reading friends. Be sure to check back the rest of the week as we build up to something HUGE coming up on Sunday at 6pm. Put it in your Diaries. 

Peace,

Steve