Thursday, 18 September 2008

Detect THIS

I am currently writing a novella about a new hard boiled detective character I have created. He is called Detective Facebook and he uses his MAD social networking skills to solve crime. Here is a sample...

'It makes no sense McGillicutty. We've gone down every avenue followed up every lead and we're no closer to catching the person responsible.'
'There's one person we haven't asked.'
Murphy winced. He knew who McGillicutty was referring to but he didn't want to hear his name.
'Not him. He's a renegade. He plays by his own rules. He doesn't stick to the book.'
'Dammit Murphy. We don't have any other option.'
'Fine... But if it all goes wrong then it's on your head.'


He walked into the room. A tall, smooth, milky drink of a man. Everyone paid attention to him as he surveyed the scene of the crime with his steely all knowing gaze.
'Good afternoon Detective Facebook.'
'Yes. Umm thank you.'
'Listen up Detective. Far as we can tell Gail Windmorehouse was murdered in this room. Gun shot to the head. So far we've had no luck finding anyone with the motivation.'
Detective Facebook gathered his thoughts. Slowly loading his opinion.
'September 2nd - Gail Windmorehouse and Toke Gwon San ended their relationship.'
'But I thought they were still together when she was murdered?'
'That's the day of the murder too! Are you suggesting that Toke was involved Detective?'
'August 22nd - Gail Windmorehouse added new photos 'Wild Night Out''
'Oh God, take a look at these pictures Murphy.'
'Oh... Fuck me, I think I'm going to be sick.'
'August 23rd - Toke Gwon San left the Bank of Old England Network.'
'I see where your going with this Facey. Toke was sacked from his high paying investment job because of the weird sexual photos posted by Gail Windmorehouse. He took his revenge by straight up murdering her fine white ass.'
'If only we had some proof.'
'Wait! I have an idea. What was Gail's status Detective.'
'September 2nd - Gail is being murdered by her ex-boyfriend Toke and hates the new Facebook.'
'Alright! Great work detective. I think we can call this a case closed.'


'I have to give it to you Detective Facebook. I don't like your methods but without you we would never have caught that perp.'
'Sam Tannahill has bitten you. Click here to install the Vampires v Werewolves application.'
'Detective Facebook! Ha ha ha ha ha.'


I wanted to get in before Aaron Sorkin's Facebook movie script. Take that you witty bastard!



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