Tuesday, 1 January 2008

Coming Soon...


Happy New Year blogateers!

Its the first entry of the New Year and in Blogging tradition that means its time for the Predictator (Not to be confused with The Predator) to be dusted off.

First lets look at last year's predictions from my old blog

Shane will win the lottery and buy a yacht which he will then name the SS Steam Machine despite the fact it is not even slightly steam powered. Soon he will find himself in financial trouble because even though he did win the lottery he only won £10.
RESULT: Incorrect. Hmm not a good start I don't think Shane even plays the lottery.

Tannas will have a whirlwind romance with a 'Star' of reality TV. It will be intense and passionate and he will feel completely dejected when she dumps him for the actor who plays Tom in Hollyoaks. Not knowing what to do he will join the navy and catch scurvy.
RESULT: Incorrect. I think Tannas gets sea sick. He isn't going to join the navy.

After accidentally eating toxic waste Jamie will develop super powers. Sadly the most useful of his powers will be the ability to tell Coke and Pepsi apart.
RESULT: Incorrect. Not going well. Jamie did eat toxic waste but it wasn't an accident. He was just sick.

Jose will run for local government and win. During his time in power he will be a massive success and be well liked by all his subjects. He will receive many prizes and honours. It will look like he has finally turned things around when he is embroiled in a sex scandal involving camera phones, jam, bees, skull fucking and a device designed with the intention of controlling the weather. After his exit from politics he will move into musical theatre and fail on every level.
RESULT: Incorrect. Dammit. Jose isn't allowed to run for government, he is a Mexican.

Liam will qualify for the olympics in the discipline of rhythmic gymnastics.
RESULT: Incorrect. He didn't qualify.

Everyone else will get same sex married to prove a point about the environment or something. Though sham marriages, things will get awkward when people start refusing to get divorced afterward. Rhodri will be one of the main culprits.
RESULT: Incorrect. It's harder to get sham married than you'd think.

Ok, not so good. 0/6. Well at least it won't be hard to improve on it.

Onwards and upwards then I guess to the 2008 Predictions...
(Six is a lame number, I'm going to do 10)

1. Tannas will start a bee keeping school for under priviledged youths hoping to teach them important life lessons. It won't last long as he is repeatedly stung.

2. Despite spending a year abroad in Spain, Jose Franco won't have learnt a single sentence of Spanish.

3. Shane will go to Vegas and marry a hooker on a drunken bet.

4. Paulo Hinz will become extremely paranoid about a potential Nuclear War and build a bunker in our garden. Upon graduating he will sit in the corner gently rocking and making wild accusations about the Welsh.

5. Jamie will at some point have a quiet night in.

6. Eddie Murphy will impregnate Sporty Spice.

7. Dave Henshaw will also impregnate Sporty (after she has given birth to Eddie's baby, I don't think its possible to get pregnant again whilst your pregnant)

8. Liam will have Vernon Kay's face tattooed on his back and immediately regret it.

9. Oly will find out reality is a lie and we are living in an artificially created computer world. He won't tell anyone though and will just enjoy the sense of superiority he feels.

10. Everyone else will get together and release a novelty Christmas record with all the profits going to Romanian Orphan children. The song will be called 'Christmasturbating (Oh what a feeling)' and it will be written by Mark Owen.

Well there you go, what a wild and crazy ride 2008 is looking to be!

Peace

Steve

1 comment:

emma carlton said...

can't get pregnant twice? check this out steve:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=508025&in_page_id=1770

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emxx