Tuesday, 11 December 2007

A Nice Little Chuckle

As some of you may have noticed my housemate Dave has recently launched his own Television channel. Simply called 'Dave' it is filled with repeats of classic British TV shows such as I'm Alan Partridge, Never Mind The Buzzcocks and Top Gear (Vomit). It has been a big success and due to such the house has been filled with uber hot super models willing to fulfil Dave's every whim. Frankly, I want to get in on this action. In 2008 I will be launching 'Steve' a new channel for Modern Man. Unlike Dave I will be going for quality, innovative and most importantly entertaining new programming. To make this happen I have been meeting some of TV's biggest movers and shakers. You don't believe me? Check out this transcript of my meeting with THE CHUCKLE BROTHERS! *


Steve: Hi guys. I'm Steve, President of Steve TV and CEO of Steve-Corp.
Barry: Hello Steve.
-They Shake Hands-
Paul: Hello Steve.
-They Shake Hands but Paul forces Steve into a sawing handshake motion.-
Paul: To me.
Steve: What?
Paul: TO ME!
Barry: Not now Paul!
-The handshake is broken up-
Steve: OK then. Lets cut to the chase boys. I want to talk about the script.
Barry: We wanted to branch out.
Paul: Be taken seriously.
Barry: The script is about a married woman who is the victim of sexual violence.
Paul: She gets raped!
Barry: Yes she does. It's about the aftermath of her attack and how she somehow finds a way of coping with such a terrible ordeal.
Paul: How the baggage of the past ways down her future.
Steve: Yes I get that.
Paul: The baggage is the rape.
Steve: Yes, yes it's just during the actual sex attack I counted seven seperate visual gags in the script.
Barry: I'm not sure what you mean.
Steve: Well, for example. During the attack you and Paul are playing window cleaners who accidentally happen upon the rape.
Barry: Yes.
Steve: Well don't you think having the both of you fall off the ladder in the background might detract from the gravitas of what is happening in the foreground?
Paul: Do you think maybe one of us should be dressed as a woman?
Barry: We could be the woman being raped!
Steve: No that's not what I mean at all. Look just after that, you climb back up the ladder but you have a bucket on your foot. The script reads 'With bucket on his foot Window Cleaner Barry falls face first into the window momentarily distracting Leroy from the task of splitting Debbie in half with his mighty cock.'
Barry: We could take the bucket out. I could just slip on a sponge or something.
Steve: I think it's more of a problem with tone. A massive problem with tone.
Barry: Oh dear.
Paul: Oh dear, Oh dear.
Steve: It's not that we don't want to work with you it's just I don't think this is the right project for us. Now what would you guys think of being part of something called 'Bear Hunting With Celebrities'?


As you can plainly see, things are going great.

Bloc Party and The Cribs on Thursday Night... Yes please.



*NOTE: The above conversation with The Chuckle Brothers may not have happened. It may actually be entirely fictional. Well, OK, it is fictional. I salute you Paul and Barry. Your memory will endure.

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